rushing

(read with music in the bacground-click on title)

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.

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blood rushed though her veins bubbling

like boiling water over the side of the kettle

her biggest fear was nearing the surface

and came out of his mouth

and there was silence

her heart stopped for a moment

there was no movement

no time no place

only nothingness

her life ended for a moment

and then there was movement

arms wrapping themselves around her

her head digging its place

tears rolling

and there was noise

like that of a baby taking her first breath

it came out of her mouth

her biggest fear was covering the floor

like water out of an upset kettle

blood rushed through her veins

and she was ready to fight for a new life...

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all summed up when looking at: http://dianevarner.com/index.php?showimage=193

mondays that seem...

mondays that seem longer and darker crept into the city

and she spent the day in his white cappatoio watching

the magnificant Audrey Hepburn falling in love with complete

strangers over the fragment of a minute...

..that too is a choice...

but how is it that on the screen there is hardly ever a shade of doubt

noone ever thinks back or hesitates

she felt sure in the fluffy whitness covering her but loneliness

crept up and memories moved accross her mind like dark shadows

on the shiny snow as she filled the vibrating screen with messages of love

accumulated over the years.

She realized that the 7months of silence was really only about one month long,

and was her silence, her unwillingness to talk to, to listen to

but his messages crept through the walls of her heart

and made her extremely angry

with herself.

how do you ever get over betraying your heart?

how do you ever forgive moments you never should have enjoyed?

how can you ever be sure what is it that your heart tells?

how do you know those moments were not simply your last desperate

attempt to break free from a love that will change the rest of your life?

she looked up. he was not there. she hugged the bathrobe and thought

about how sthuuuupid it was to ask all these questions

instead of simply moving onto enjoying the life that chose her.

The third

The third year has begun between mountains and the sea,

between blindness and insight

tried but not worn out between

coming and going

yesterday and tomorrow.

Hopes and reality lay apart

still separated by some distance

(mountains and seas, and what a view!)

but perhaps connected by a path -

a path easy to walk with proper clothing

but trying and heavy if you walk it with

city shoes.

Shoes without a grip were not welcome

on that path, it was strenuous, you could

easily slip and fall into the abyss of loneliness.

He walked the path for Her,

He held Her hand,

She was the grip the Had to trust...

..She dashed ahead,

but held his hand,

her grip was firm,

he had to run.

the fairy

the fairy flew over her house not knowing she should stop by

she flew over the river and the mountains to watch the rising

sun from the clearing next to the park...

...some time ago there used to be rocks,thought the girl, i used to sit on them to watch

the sun go down while the breeze filled my ear with whispers of promises.

She walked closer to the flat grassy patch that used to be covered by the rocks,

and as she leaned closer to find some traces of the past something shiny caught her eyes.

At first she has thought it must be a ring, an earring or some kind of jewel hidden in the grass,

but it was the grass itself tat shone, tiny silver fingerprints marked the blades of grass ...

...how strange, thought the fairy, it is as if i had known this place -

she sat in the grass and played with the grass, her little hands

caressing the fresh green blades still we with the morning dew..

...she took a blade and looked at it closely, and as if in a dream she remembered;

she knew what she had to do, there was no time to waste, she began running -

"she must be on her way now, she must be very close" she smiled to herself

and her heart lifted at the thought of a dream coming true.

could and would

How much would would i need if i could

have as mush would as i would want to

could i live without the would

would it be

or

could it be possible?

Maybe i could live without would

(even if i would rather not)

but i wouldn't live without could

(even if i could).

...

She awoke with a swollen thought

unstoppably pushing towards the surface

she pushed it back.

Would it be true?

Could it be?

If it would be

(for it could be)

then what?

Between the sheets

It all started between the sheets

in the warmth between her body and the bed, she awoke slowly

sliding out of a fuzzy dream trying to sort out what to leave there

and what to take away with her ... she gave a kiss to babyL. and turned

to cuddle her Angel her hands grasping the air where he should have been.

The thought of being alone in the house was nearing, so she decided to crawl

back if not into the dream, into a fantasy, and told her dream of babyL. to his

pillow. It listened thoughtfully, then told her he loved her.

She grabbed her dress as she walked downstairs - he wouldn't like me to walk

around naked, she thought, and arrived to the bathroom to stare at her

reflection in the mirror. Tomorrow, she thought, tomorrow he'll be here -

until then, it is sweet me-time, she added and turned around the kitchen corner

to enjoy a big breakfast and the sight of three bags awaiting patiently on the floor....

the journey

she started on a hill,a descend.

it wasn't a large ill, but it was certainly bigger than an anthill.

it was green too and very soft under her feet. so she went down and as she was going...

whoooosh...DOWN she went, right thru a big hole.

she has found herself in this strange room. it was as if it was moving around her, it was vibrating and brown and warm and red, the rounded cupola above her had a really small opening somewhere up high, but she didnt even want to go out of there any more. at least not for now.

she got swallowed by a hill and she liked it.

she looked around and found a little bed. she jumped on it and it sank around her covering her with mossy warmth and fell asleep.

when she awoke she was back on the hill.

she must have dozed off in the sun. she had to start the journey, una discesa...

keeping it up

Winning, creating, losing, wasting - TIME...
almost as powerful as HOPE (with huge capital letter written across the sky).
It all began, if it had a beginning at all, though she herself xould not put her fingers on it,
it all began around the period when she started to lose hope.
It wasn't something BIG, or VISIBLE, to most it wasn't even NOTICEABLE
she still looked young and fresh, had a smile for anyone who would care to look her way -
wrinkles of worry and (self-doubt) had grown on the inside, under her skin.

Under her skin was an other world. That hidden to most. The one with giants, witches and boogie man...only that, her life was not the lastes of the discworld series.

Under her skin was beginning to be crowded and hot. It itched, and urged her forward, but
no way was presented to her, and she has not found HER WAY yet.
And there was the Boy. She has grown fond of him, and he was attached. Still, it was not clear
whether her Way - if she found it - would coincide with his. She tested him on a regular bases,
and the test hardly ever failed...the bond was becoming strong, and her idea of the Way threatened.

She fought the silent fight of lovers.
and she was about to lose..

time.

and then she realized:
the moment you stop fighting, time is really on your side
and you go on being who you are.

Only, she didnt know who she was any more.
all needed TIME. and time she had again.
time to keep it up.

..and then: HOPE was back.