Friday, 28 December 2007

Evi's soapy continues

it has all started a long time ago
maybe 6-7years down the road
in between two sips of coffee
in between two-three heaps of books
grammatical exercises
and your desire to teach

it has all started a long long time ago
and now that you reread the script
you smile at the petty mistakes
the unnecessary twits and turns
of certain stories
smile at the heated emotions of your heart
smile at the fate of main- and episode-characters

it has all started a long-long-long time ago
and although at times things went so smooth
your viewers started to toy with the idea to call it a day
and feared that you will finish the soapy of your love-life...

... the long-logn-long-long time creates history
history creat new rules working within new settings
and though your script may be clearer
the dear viewer cannot but smile
at the impossible ways in which you get yourself entangled
in an over-complicated net of emotions

i only hope the viewer deep-inside cheers for..
a) a happy ending
b) many new adventures
c) some further complications before certain final-semi-final solutions
...
and most of all i hope you who read me-know-me-dont-know-me enjoy
riding on my eee-motional rollercoaster, it's fun, isn't it?

Saturday, 22 December 2007

what we want

What if...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ueYeX6Xs2E&feature=related

....if only IF ONLY IF ONLY
(hesitation didnt exist)

Monday, 17 December 2007

Jingle jingle

you dream about doctors and black guys
a painful scar being healed and
your ability to talk about you inner things returned

you sleep sound and awake
walking through a flat almost ready to be decorated

the 'transit'-feeling returns and you feel as if something was about to happen to you...just now, it is happening and very soon you will know what it is and you feel focused you want to live..or even better you want to LIVE (with capital letters)and breath in.out.in.out

you get your hair cut. same style as it was some years ago...not because you would want to turn back but because you feel much calmer and smooth

maybe all of this is just about readiness.

im ready. we can go now.
would you join?

Monday, 10 December 2007

out-standing

it's friday night and a Santa-party with pple unknown to you
you feel tired and uneasy having to dress up unsure about the dress-code
you put on the balck-and-red (Standhal) dress with the funny belt
a little make-up (uffa, the hairdresser shldnt wait for long now)
and you step in

irritated by the english spoken inside (wasnt it supposed to be a Hun.party for a change?)
you find yourself sitting at a corner drinking your rose speaking ...
when all of a sudden you realize you dont belong

you speak english with a beautiful accent (Aussie-American-British-god-knows), Italian with a passable accent(clearly Hun.) and Hungarian with an accent...of a foreigner.

you get asked where are you from?
and you feel torn when answering Hungary.
you dont feel like facing the 'wow, really'...
you dont want to feel like an outsider any more.

you realize you are like the white girl grown up among the indians.
you never belong anywhere..you are always somewhere in between.

of course, this in between is always a place-defined-by-others.
When abroad you are the Hungarian who speaks fantastic '...whatever..'
- you can get to know and make friends, all there.
When at home and among foreigners you are the local who speaks....you know..
- you can mix with, have fun, feel multiculti.
When in love with a foreigner you are the girl from Eastern Europe who...
- is different.

at times
i dont like to be different.

Monday, 3 December 2007

mancanza

nn mi sento incompleto
né completo
fa freddo
dovrei lavorare
ma
'i cant seem to find the right melody today'
e il part che ripete
(come se fosse un cuore che batte)
'you're hear and im here so i stop complaining'
nn é vero
e nn sará mai
e odio l'idea di essere
il miglior confidente
solo.
e sola.

Sunday, 2 December 2007

the crust around

stava camminando sotto la pioggia
her arms were full of goosebums as the water cooled and carressed her skin
it was five in the afternoon and heavy traffic downtown Twincity
she left the car somewhere in the middle
close to the Green Bridge
her parent gaping at the backseets

as she crossed between the cars she felt a huge storm breaking out
all was dark
within and without
and she started to cry raindrops that fell to the asphalf under her feet
creating rivers and ponds

her feet staggering and mumbling unnkown fragments of words
crossed over the river and carried her to a warm fireplace

this was the last time anyone so her cry in pain

by the time she finished a crust was built around her
a crust that holds all moist within
even when she would want to
weep and thunder
like a storm