tug-of-war

stepping in to the 26th year of your life you wake with an immense headache, your phone buzzing, work waiting to be done

you fall back in bed, hide under the blanket and dream dreams about the men you have loved

having passed the magical 25 you realzie that nothing changes

and that finiding a mate is something that doesnt happen easily and never when or the way you want it

with eyes closed, vienes throbbing with pain (waiting for the caffé and some painkillers) you once again start reflecting

and you conclude that

distance and little possibility to spend time together doesnt affect the strength of love

at least as regards friendships

and distance and limitied possibilities dont affect the strength of love

as regads LOVE

but they do effect other things that although dont effect Love itself,

effect what people bring out of situations they are in.

way past midnight you find yourself in the midst of some man screaming you are single

not even two minutes later you contradict yourself

again a bit later

(since you want to be single)

you find yourself expalining to a german why is it that you would not and could not be the girlfrind of someone living in 1000kms of distance

he makes a comment on how fascinating you are

and for a flash of time your face becomes clouded by terror

you take a second look at him and realize you are talking to him (out of many) due to his germaic looks, a resablance

out of anger

somewhat later you find yoursefl face to fice with the borther of your loved one

and instead of screaming single

you fight

and forgive

you walk home in the cold

thinking about the

tug-of-war in your heart created by distance

and realize that you are somewhat torn between your reson and heart

making a decision would probably help.

or admitting that you have already made a decision a long time ago.

with eyes closed (caffé finito) you count the days left until his arrival.

your heart feels alive, and that's good.

but your reason tells you he has made a different decision.

you are 26. torn. and on the emotional roller-coaster playing tug-of-war with yourself.